This photo has nothing to do with this post, but posts are more fun when they have a picture in them.
Astute readers may have noticed in an earlier post that there was a picture (and video) of Bennett sans pants. Well, that's because we started potty training. Eek!
We first tried potty training last year on Labor Day weekend. It was a method that claimed that he would be "trained" in 3 days. We were very optimistic, and then very disappointed when it didn't work. It was a method that had him wearing undies and having to use the potty in the bathroom. I understand the logic in this since he would need to learn to pull down undies and get to the potty in time, but it also makes things even more challenging right in the beginning. It also encourages frequent consumption of liquids so that you get more opportunities to try to use the potty. I think that first day Bennett had about 50 accidents- mostly little dribbles. We would rush him to the potty, but then he wouldn't want to sit. This method also told us not to prompt him to use the potty, but instead to say, "Are your undies dry? Remember to let Mummy/Daddy know when you need to use the potty.", thus putting him in charge of knowing his body and his signals and when he needed to go. We stuck this method out for 4 days, never really having any success. He knew when he was wet, but he wasn't interested in trying to get to the potty. We were exhausted and frustrated (and feeling like failures) and decided to quit.
While we were in the midst of that, I came across another method- Oh Crap! Potty Training. At the time, I didn't really read much of it. I was wanting a miracle cure. This "non method" wasn't the miracle I was hoping for but I did plan to read through it more fully at a later time. The book sat unread for months. In the back of my head I knew we were quickly reaching the end of a magic period of time when learning to use the potty was supposedly easier. Bennett also all of a sudden started getting really excited about undies. So Chris and I looked at a calendar and tried to pick a time when we could take a couple of days off from work. We knew a whole week (or longer) would be best, but we couldn't do that. Instead we got 4 days. A weekend, and then Chris took the Monday off from work and I took off the Tuesday.
I think we also realized that there are multiple definitions of "trained". To some, it means 100% accident free. To others it might mean that the child gets to the bathroom by his or herself and can take care of pants, etc on their own. Some might feel that it means that when taken to the bathroom/potty the child knows what to do and can provide results, but the parent will need to help get them on the toilet, help with pants, etc.
When we started last year, I think I was of the mindset that "trained" was going to mean one of the first two things, or somewhere in between. But now I don't think it needs to be that perfected to mean they are trained. After all, when a child learns to walk, they are still going to frequently fall down. But we say that they have learned to walk. So why with potty training are we suddenly holding them to a higher standard?
So this change in mindset definitely helped me go into this experience much more open and accepting of accidents. Also, this second method we used didn't talk about timelines. Instead there were different "blocks" of learning and once the child learned one block you would move on to the next. Of course people want to know how long this "should" take, so when pressed, the author said that block one usually takes 3-7 days. And I think this is where the 3 day potty training methods would end. It's the learning of the basics, but nothing to help you over the next hurdles. Oh Crap then states that for the child to get through the next couple of blocks and to fairly reliable be able to get toilet/potty on their own without prompting generally takes 3 or 4 weeks. This was eye opening and so helpful to me to not have unrealistic expectations.
We were so happy and excited that Bennett got through block one in about a day and a half. Then we had 2+ days to work on block two before he had to go back to school. And we were pretty nervous about how that would go. As of this writing, we are now on day 10. We haven't tried nap or night training yet, so we are by no means done, but we feel that things are going well. Here's a rundown of how things went.
Potty training day one:
Overall, it was a better experience than when we tried this 6 months ago. Similar method to what we tried last time, but some differences that probably worked to make it better. Plus Bennett is more aware and more cooperative than he was last time. The big differences were that now he was naked from the waist down (no having to mess with pulling down undies) and we had a potty in the living room- much quicker and easier to get to.
Potty training day two:
It went so much better than the first day!!!
- 7:40 woke up, took off diaper, sat on potty (no result)
- 8:40 accident
- 9:10 accident but then finished on the potty
- 10:55 accident
- 12:50 POTTY!
- 1-2:50 nap with DRY diaper!
- 2:50 POTTY!
- 3:30 POTTY!- no prompting
- 5:07 POTTY!- no prompting
- Put on pants and went to Target. Sat on toilet at Target when we arrived and again just before we left but didn’t pee either time. We were gone for about an hour.
- 7:45 dribble accident in pants
- 7:50 accident in pants (a bit more) sat on potty (nothing) changed pants and had another small accident. sat on potty and nothing.
- 8:00 accident in bath tub
Lots of other prompting to sit on the potty, which he did most of the time, but he either didn’t have to pee or just didn’t release when he got there. And sometimes he flat out said, "no". We didn't push him, figuring that he knew he body and he just didn't have to go. (Part of this method is about sometimes having to trust the child.)
Overall, he was doing well without pants, but we would like him to learn to get to the potty while wearing pants since that’s what he’ll need to do at daycare. Too many accidents (I think 3 is their magic number) and they’ll put him back in diapers.
Potty training day three:
- 7:40 woke up
- 8:10 accident
- 10:45 POTTY!
- 12:40 needed to pee but wouldn’t. Tried to nap but fussed on and off until diaper change at 1:50
- slept 1:50 - 3:15, wet diaper when woke up
- 4:15 POTTY!
- 5:50 POTTY!
- 7:05 dribble, then POTTY!
- 8:00 dribble in tub- unknown if peed more
Potty training day four:
- 7:00 woke up
- 7:25 POTTY!
- 9:10 POTTY!- no prompting
- 10:45 POTTY! (while we were out visiting DH and his coworkers)
- 12:00 POTTY!
- dry nap diaper (woke at 2:15)
- 3:00 small accident in pants, finished on potty
- 3:40 accident
- 4:35 POOP on potty!- no prompting
- 4:38 potty- no prompting
- 6:15ish accident while playing outside
- 7:20 potty
This was the real test as he went back to school. We were pretty nervous about how this would go. The night before we wrote down a bunch of observations/tips/suggestions based on what we've seen. We figured this would be easier because it could be shared with all of the teachers, rather than one teacher having to remember everything we said. We were thinking one teacher would be there when we dropped off, and we were happy about that since we thought she would be receptive to what we were saying. Instead it was the director who was there.
Drop off frustrated us a little. Bennett did awesome and peed on the toilet while we were there. But the director was just kind of negative and seems to project more of a "I’ve never done things that way before so they can’t possibly work and then we’ll have poop all over the floor" kind of vibe. She REALLY wants him in undies right now (and was NOT happy to hear that he didn't have any on, even though we had told her last week that our plan was for him to be commando). I’m half expecting her to put something on him during the day. We gave her our list of tips/observations and I don’t think she agreed with many of them.
She asked us about poop. I commented that yesterday he pooped on the potty all by himself without prompting. Her response was, "So you only had the one poop?" Aaargh! Bennett always poops more at school than he does at home, but come on. On day 4 he did it all by himself. Can’t you be excited for him? Don’t set him up to fail.
At pickup, I was expecting the worst- for them to put a diaper on him, or require us to do diapers going forward. They stuck it out today doing our method, but are requiring him to wear undies tomorrow. He had a couple of poop accidents, which meant poop on the floor, so that pretty much was the deal breaker. Their notes didn’t explicitly say which were the accidents, but based on their notes and # of pants we brought home, I think this is how the day turned out.
- 6:50 woke up and peed on the potty
- 7:35 dropped off at school, peed on potty
- 9:00 potty
- 11:00 poop accident- also maybe pee accident
- 11:30 poop accident
- 1:00 dry (no clue what this note meant- successful potty, or tried and didn’t go?)
- 3:00 potty
- 4:00 accident
- 4:35 accident
- 5:00 accident
- 5:30 we arrived and he was sitting on the potty but didn’t do anything
- 5:45 potty, right before we left
- 6:05 arrived home, potty
- 7:00 potty
The director wasn’t there when we picked up, which I’m glad about. One of the other teachers did acknowledge that it’s a different environment, other distractions, etc which is definitely true. Plus they likely aren’t paying as close attention as we were so might be missing signals. And they may not be as forceful with their tone with him as we have been to get him to sit, which sometimes results in getting a pee from him.
His regular teacher was out that day but would be in the next day. She’s pretty young (and doesn’t have her own kids like the other teachers do) so may not have preconceived notions about how potty training should go. However, her mom is one of the teachers who was in, so who knows what mom told her. But she also will have fewer kids to watch tomorrow, so should be able to get more individual attention.
Chris is pretty disheartened and really doesn’t want the undies. I think I have a better mindset because I was expecting worse. Bennett's at school for another day and then off for three days, which should also be good. Although Friday (day 7) he has both a dentist and doctor appointment.
He also wouldn’t nap at school. We’ve had some nap issues, and bed issues as well, since we started this. Hopefully those problems will get sorted out soon. And you would think that with the lack of nap he would have gone to bed easily at night, but nope. He was in and out of bed for an hour, opening and closing his door, calling for Mummy, stuffing his blankets between his bed and the wall, anything but lying down and sleeping!
Potty training day six:
Today there were a total of 4 kids at school, with 3 teachers (although not all teachers were there all day). There was the baby, a 15 month old (who is in Bennett’s class), and a pre-schooler, maybe 3.5 years?
I know I was a little nervous when we dropped him off this morning because he didn’t pee before we left the house (tried twice) and he didn’t pee for us when we first got to school. We were so excited though when we picked him up to see that he was in the same pants he had been wearing when we dropped him off, and then to hear he was in the same undies as well.
His teacher was awesome, writing down for us every time he tried, and if he did pee, whether it was a little one (what we’ve called dribbles) or if it was a regular size pee. He didn’t poop at school, but we got that at home- another self-initiated poop! He did have a minor pee accident with that one, I think because he was having trouble getting his pants down.
So overall today, it looks like he had 19 pees! Wow, that’s a lot! Most of them look like they were little dribbles, though. Based on the timing of many of them, it almost looks like they were prompting him every half hour. (Although I suppose maybe he tried on his own that frequently?) It’s great that he’s peeing on the potty, but I’d rather he have a decent sized pee rather than just eking one out every time he sits. Oh, and he also had a dry nap diaper.
I know I was a little nervous when we dropped him off this morning because he didn’t pee before we left the house (tried twice) and he didn’t pee for us when we first got to school. We were so excited though when we picked him up to see that he was in the same pants he had been wearing when we dropped him off, and then to hear he was in the same undies as well.
His teacher was awesome, writing down for us every time he tried, and if he did pee, whether it was a little one (what we’ve called dribbles) or if it was a regular size pee. He didn’t poop at school, but we got that at home- another self-initiated poop! He did have a minor pee accident with that one, I think because he was having trouble getting his pants down.
So overall today, it looks like he had 19 pees! Wow, that’s a lot! Most of them look like they were little dribbles, though. Based on the timing of many of them, it almost looks like they were prompting him every half hour. (Although I suppose maybe he tried on his own that frequently?) It’s great that he’s peeing on the potty, but I’d rather he have a decent sized pee rather than just eking one out every time he sits. Oh, and he also had a dry nap diaper.
Potty training day seven:
Another awesome day! One small accident while we were at a doctor appointment. He ran to the bathroom easily a half dozen times which was a bit of a pain. Chris and I alternated who would take him and who stayed to talk to the doctor. Anyway, on one of those trips his undies hit the floor. Not sure if they were wet from him peeling in them or if the floor had been wet. We think it was pee. However, even if it was an accident, we're not really bothered by it since it was more of a process to get him to the bathroom.
And another self-initiated poop on the potty!
And another self-initiated poop on the potty!
Potty training day eight:
Saturday was going great. We went to skating and he peed on the big potty before class and again before we left the rink. We ran a couple of errands and he peed before we left the store. Awesome! More pees in the potty at home, dry nap diaper.... Then he went to a party with his grandparents and had an accident or two. However, the potty was no where near where he was playing, and I'm guessing he wasn't prompted like we would have done.
And then we stopped tracking...
The author actually discourages a pee log. I definitely understand that for the point we are at now. There's really no need to track every pee or accident when you get to a certain point. And Chris and I didn't track anything yesterday. However, we definitely found it useful for the first week to know what his patterns looked like. And it was helpful after a day filled with accidents to be able to look at the times he did pee on the potty, or remember that he went there on his own. It also was helpful to know when he might be more likely to go so that we didn't over-prompt him. Or to know that we maybe should wait for a pee before leaving the house.
At this point Chris and I are pretty much considering him "trained". Sure he's still going to have accidents, and sure we're still going to have to do some prompting, but he has this figured out. When he feels the urge to pee or poop, he goes to the potty. We've just been doing other prompting at times when we want him to pee- before going out somewhere, before meals/ bath/ bed/ etc.
This has just been such a fabulous experience for us. Maybe it's because we went into it expecting the worst, and then were amazed that he had it all figured out in about a day and a half. Then we had another 2 days of us reinforcing things. When he went back to school there was a bit of a setback, but that's understandable given the change of environment. I guess today will be another good indicator for us since he's back at school again after another 3 days off, but I imagine things will go well.
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